Communicate Today

For many people, saying no is extremely difficult. Whether you are a natural people pleaser, feel the pressure to help someone out or just say “yes” out of habit, not being able to say “no” can be a bad thing. You can easily overwhelm yourself or get taken advantage of. So, how do you say “no?”

Pause Before You Answer

Many times, people just agree to something before they actually think about what the request is. Before you blurt out “yes,” take a minute to digest what is being asked. In fact, you can also ask for some time to think about it. Just say something like “I’d like to help. Can I get back to you on that?” If it truly is something you can deliver, go ahead and say “yes,” but if it’s something you can’t do, you’ll have a chance to say “no.”

Realize You Are Not Being Rude

Saying “no” is not being rude. As long as you deliver the answer in a kind way, you don’t need to worry about offending anyone. It’s ok to phrase your decline as “I’m sorry, I wish I could help, but I don’t think I can,” or “I’m sorry, this week is very busy for me. But good luck!” These are both kind responses that also say “no.”

Understand That You Are Not Creating Conflict

Sometimes, people are afraid that if they tell someone “no,” they will create conflict. If you say no in a polite way, this isn’t the case in most situations. Most people understand that you can’t do everything asked of you. If, on the off chance your response does create conflict, simply walk away or end the conversation. Your inability to deliver a request shouldn’t make someone else angry, and if it does, you don’t need to continue the conversation.

Offer to Help Later

If you really would like to help, but just have too much on your plate at the moment, offer to help the person later. Let them know you have a busy week ahead of you, but next Saturday would be a great day to get together. If the person still needs your help, you can reconnect then. If not, you are off the hook, but didn’t have to tell them no flat out.

Refer to Someone Else

If you can’t say yes, maybe you know someone that can. When someone asks for your help with something, it doesn’t hurt to respond with “I’m not too knowledgable in that area, but so and so is.” This is a good way of helping (by pointing your friend in the right direction) without overly committing yourself.

Next time you feel anxious about telling someone “no,” try one of these tactics. You’ll find it much easier to turn someone down, and you won’t be overwhelmed by your commitment.

We all do it. We open our mouths to say something and instead end up putting our foot in our mouth. Or, maybe you have inadvertently offended someone and wondered how to handle it. Regardless of the specifics, most of us have found ourselves in a position of apologizing at least once in our lives.

Saying you’re sorry is not exactly the easiest thing to do, and many people feel uncomfortable when they have to have these types of conversations. You are admitting guilt, something no one likes to do, and you probably feel ashamed for hurting someone else. These are understandable feelings, but by taking a few steps, you can be more comfortable during the conversation and give a more sincere apology.

Recognize the Wrong

First, realize what you have done wrong. Maybe it has come to your attention that a comment you made at a party offended the host, or maybe you are thinking back on a meeting at work and realized you may have come across wrong. Whatever it is, realize there is something that needs to be fixed.

Say You’re Sorry

Once you’ve realized an apology is in order, don’t beat around the bush. Get in touch with the person you have offended and tell them you realize you were hurtful and are very sorry. Don’t make any excuses or try to explain away your offense. A simple explanation that you didn’t realize what you said or you didn’t phrase your opinion well, when applicable, is enough.

Fix the Problem

After you apologize, ask if there is anything you can do to fix the problem you caused. You could offer to clear things up with others who you spread a rumor to, or you could offer to help the person with another need they have. Usually there isn’t anything you can do to completely take away the offense, but trying to turn the action around can do more than make a sticky situation better, it can prove to your friend that you truly are sorry.

Never Do it Again

Once you’ve straightened things out with the person you apologized to, never commit the offense again. In fact, after you apologize and ask if there is anything you can do to fix the problem, tell the person that you will never do it again. This shows that you are gracious, realize the harm in what you did, and don’t ever want to repeat the offense.

Apologizing isn’t always the easiest thing to do. However, by following these simple steps, making amends is a little easier, and your apology more sincere.